It's Getting Better (or Misery Loves Company)

I have never liked New Year. It probably makes me the ultimate cynic but I really cannot buy into the idea that this particular turn of the calendar can herald anything more than any other. Oh I know no one else really thinks so either, but I can't even pretend. Not even for one night. Which is just as well as I'm stuck indoors with a baby in any case. I really like Christmas and particularly the run up to Christmas Day. After that everything loses its sparkle and perhaps that adds to my antipathy. The best New Year has to offer is extra days off work which doesn't even apply to me this year. Even in the short term I have only the dark days of January and February ahead of me. And this year for me means returning to work - so what's to look forward to?

Okay I had to be that miserable because that is how I always feel on 31 December. Except last year when I was all pregnant and deluded. Wow what a simpler time. I should celebrate 'Happy Old Year' and enjoy how contented I was 12 months ago. Tomorrow I'll feel better. And although I cannot bear resolutions, I do have some hopes for myself. The inevitable weight loss plans, not least because I have bags of size 10 work clothes to fit into by April. Also I'm going to work on feeling positive about going back to work. It is going to happen so I might as well change the only thing that I CAN change, which is my attitude towards it. Difficult though as I'm stuck in a loop of negative thought about it. I want to go part time so I can see enough of SB but we need a bigger house to accomodate growing SB but cannot afford one if I go part time which I want to do to see enough of SB. Arghhhh. And while I'm on the subject, how do people afford more than one child and still send them both to nursery? Poor only child SB.
So, um this is depressing so on to better things such as SB. What a happy chap. I think it's probably more entertaining to read about me coping with a difficult SB, yet getting by and making light of it where I can. In fact now he's just lovely and I don't want to say too much because it will sound like bragging. And there is nothing worse that a bragging mother, especially to those who also have young babies. I'm lucky enough that throughout the really difficult first 5 months, no one bragged to me about their baby. But even knowing that other people were able to take their young babies on holiday or that other babies could go in their buggies without screaming or that other babies did not girn and fuss and wake up every hour at night, made me feel low and useless. When SB's change first came about, I shouted from the rooftops about it. Now it is becoming normal to have a happy baby so I will hold my tongue. Those who know him, know how wonderful he is and all the things he is up to. It is so great to be a proud mother of a happy child.

And so how depressing to have to leave him with others while I go to work. Oh I tried to be positive, but it's 31 December so it's simply not possible.